INCREDIBLY BREAKING NEWS; STOP LOOKING AT OTHER WEBSITES OR EATING A MEAL OR EXPRESSING LOVE OR DOING ANYTHING EXCEPT LISTENING:

It’s probably going to be crappy and the act of forcing a plot arc around what is essentially a mortgage-simulator will likely destroy whatever scrim of personal narrative anyone who loves this game has sewn for themselves around the values of the game’s variables (e.g., Frobert’s departure sending me into a tailspin of depression; my futile weeks-long courtship of Nan; Bella’s inability to take a hint and leave already; my insistence that Frobert personally sent me that golden slingshot as a way to remind me to do crunches and not worry about anything, bro!!!!!) but how can I keep from hugging my spindly arms around my wheezing chest and having my eyeballs turn into red, pulsing hearts??????

Unfortunately I don’t have any more information on it than this and this scan of a magazine article about it that I can’t READ, but at this point it doesn’t even matter: If any of our faithful readers lives in Japan, you might want to keep an eye out for me when this movie is, of course, never translated into English and I have to sell my hair to afford a flight to Tokyo to steal a copy of the DVD from a rental store. Otherwise I’ll see the rest of you three months after that, when I finish teaching myself enough Japanese to fan-sub the thing mysel– WAIT YOU GUYS YOU CAN SORT OF SEE MARGIE IN ONE OF THE FRAMES (etc.)